"Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test"

Alright, if you aren't interested enough about educational issues to read my ramblings, skip to the second part of this entry for a parody of standardized tests and "No Child Left Behind." Rated PG for mild potty humor. (No, I didn't write it.)

STANDARDIZED TESTS
They are hated by students and teachers alike, and with good reason. Standardized tests take up considerable time in classrooms, and the tests and their scores are largely inconsequential as far as good instruction or assessment of learning are concerned. I wanted to shout hallelujah when Alfie Kohn, an author/former educator/education critic/lecturer, choose to speak specifically about the problems of standardized tests and the mentality associated with them when he spoke at this year's UEA (Utah Education Association) convention. To read Alfie's position, click on "The Case Against Tougher Standards" when you reach the page linked here. It's worth reading.
I might post my own comments about these tests later, but for now I just want the word to get out that in many cases students do not have to take these tests. Parents can deny their permission for their student to participate in testing. (Teachers can facilitate this by not giving "points" for taking the test.) Politicians and federal government officials tend to listen to parents more than educators about educational practices. Frankly, neither Republicans or Democrats seem to have it right on the issue of improving education. If enough parents send out the message that they don't appreciate these tests, then policies and practices will have to be changed.
I hope that the following parody on standardized tests won't be considered too crass. I didn't write it, but I laughed so hard I cried when I first read it.

Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test

In response to President Bush's Federal "No Child Left Behind Act" (NCLB), it is proposed that students will have to pass a test to be promoted to the next grade level.
In the hope that this proposal will be uniformly adopted by all of the states, the new test will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test (FART).
All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in Grades 3, 4 and 5 until they are capable of passing a FART score of 80%. If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a separate English program known as the Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language, or SMELL.
If, with this increased SMELL program, the student cannot pass the required FART test, he or she can still graduate to middle school by taking another one-semester course in Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preparation, or CRAP.
If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL, or CRAP, he or she can earn promotion in an intensive one-week seminar known as the Preparatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students, or PRUNES.
It is the opinion of the Department of Instruction for Public Schools (DIPS) that an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL, or CRAP.
This revised provision of the student component of the House Bill 101 should help "clear the air" as part of "No School Left Standing."